LAWL what
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Emergency cleaning: Unfuck your whole house in the shortest time possible
So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.
- Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.
- Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.
- Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.
- Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.
- Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.
- Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.
- Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.
- Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.
- Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!
- Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.
- Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.
- Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.
- Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
- Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.
- Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.
- If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.
- Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.
- It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.
- Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.
You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.
Why are you still here? GO. START. NOW.
the number of times in my past that I desperately wanted/needed someone to sit me down and tell me this stuff. I will never get back the hours and hours lost to headless-chicken mode, but it’s nice to know that in the last year I’ve learned so many coping mechanisms :D
(via kayasurin)
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everyone’s debating posts of the decade, best and worst, and i have yet to see anyone mention moon moon
for those who were not on here to experience this ridiculousness
Seriously. It caused so many memes.
Truly the greatest meme of our generation
I’m dying. I saw the original, but I’ve never seen any of the others. God bless you, Moon Moon.
MOON MOON WAS THE BEST
did not expect to see moon moon today
(via ramblingcj)
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i would die for grinch.
I’ve probably shared this before, but..
Grinch Does His Best
Grinch is a himbo
(via khaleesi)
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Goddamnhella’s Fics
Just wanted to let ya’ll know that I have some of goddamnhella’s fics saved HERE. Hella in no way forbade private sharing of her works, btw. She did, however, make it clear that uploading her fics is not okay so, y’know, don’t effing do that.
Some of her more noteworthy works included:
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you can tell a lot about the values of the culture you’re in when it comes to making hard decisions, and what decisions are considered “extreme, but necessary” versus what decisions are considered “unthinkable.”
right now, the culture I’m inside of says that over 400,000 people within our borders dying from covid-19 is “extreme, but necessary” but that taxing billionaires and using the money to give everyone guaranteed shelter, food, clean water, and supplies, and to pay everyone to stay home until there are no cases left is considered “unthinkable.”
Approaching one million deaths now.
(via whatbigotspost)
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honest to god can’t stop thinking about this song about jeff bezos by philip labes (link takes you to his spotify). it’s such a good example of politically driven folk music.
Lyrics:
Jeff found a genie in a bottle
Who said, “I can give you anything you ask”
“You can have your wishes three
And a million more for free
It’s unlimited, just set me to the task.”Well, Jeff thought a while,
Said, “I want houses,
“I want boats, I want fancy modern art,
I want tickets to the Met, I want my own private jet,
And a rocket into space just for a start.”Well, the genie waved her arms and made it happen
His every wish bolted from the blue
And folks all over town grew enamored, gathered ‘round
To admire the man whose wishes had come trueThey said, “Let’s hear it for the man who has everything!
By good fortune he’s been set so far apart.”
“Yeah, let’s hear it for Jeff who has everything!
‘Cause his wishes are only at the start.”Well, Jeff heard their shouts and he grew worried
He said, “Everybody’s getting in my way.”
The genie smiled as before,
“You’ve got a million wishes more.
You can even give a bunch of them away.”Well, Jeff got confused and sorta quiet
‘Til he finally said, “I have just one wish more.”
“I am satisfied, so I wish that you would die
So you cannot grant wishes anymore.”Well, the genie’s eyes got big and sad and shiny
‘Til she finally said, “Your wish is my command.”
And with an effervescent sigh, she disappeared before his eyes
And no wishes were ever granted there againSo, let’s hear it for the man who has everything!
By good fortune he has set so far apart
Yeah, let’s hear it for Jeff, who’s got everything!
Every single fucking thing except a heart
(via followthebluebell)
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"That was disposable income!" They live in a shack with like one bedroom for four people and just spent a year working off a debt they had to accrue to get into the city at all, Harold.
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It’s sad that toxic game culture is so prevalent cuz like. As someone who has ended up in random matches with kids before, I can attest to how fucking easy it is to reverse and un-teach shitty attitudes in kids.
Example: I downloaded Friday the 13th because it’s free on psn. I dunno how to play, so I just enter quick play and I’m matched with 3-4 kids on mic. Immediately on mic they’re shitty and disparaging to each other. They laugh at each others deaths, they actively work against team mates and self sabotage, they call each other “fags”, etc. From the sounds of the voices they cannot be older than 13-14.
I put on my mic and just decide I ain’t havin it. I am nice. I thank them for barricading doors or leaving me items. When they break free from Jason’s grasp I say “good job!” or I try to help them. One kid survived for most of the match by himself. When he dies, I tell him he did a fantastic job.
The mood shift is practically INSTANT. These kids almost immediately stop being dick heads. They start encouraging each other and being kind. After the match all of them try to friend request me. Which should tell you a couple of things:
A) kids want to be kind, and they want to have a nice time playing games. But encounters with adults like me or so rare that they’ve trained themselves to instantly put on a toxic, shitty, defensive veneer when encountering any new person online. It’s literally just THAT EASY to not groom a horrible gaming community, it’s just that NO ONE does it.
B) the speed of which they all tried to friend me was cute, but paints for me such a sad picture? Like these kids are SO desperate to find people to play with who aren’t crappy jerks. They played with me for 10 minutes TOPS and all instantly tried to reach out to me.
tl;dr: The kids are alright. Adults are shit heads.
I cant agree with this post more
I witnessed something similar with my younger brother (this was when he was In fifth grade so bear with me here) and his friends. The teacher assigned for them to build a somewhat accurate spanish mission in Minecraft because their school had gotten some iPads and she needed to assign them something other than a PowerPoint.
Now here’s the thing. Most of these boys, my brother included, have ADD/ADHD. About a week into the project all they had in their shared world was chaos. Somebody filled the place with tnt and lit it up. Holes everywhere. Whenever one would attempt to try and build something (mostly wood huts and not the actual project) it would be destroyed within minutes as the boys began to insult each other heavily and complain that the design was ugly.
I brought my own ipad with me and decided to sit with the boys while they continued their reign of terror. I joined the world and built a hallway out of brick at the very center of this war zone. Immediately one of them tried to destroy it under the impression that “it looks bad”.
“Well, what should I make it out of?”
“Diamond.”
The ten year old mind is a mystery to me…
Anyway, then I showed him some pictures similar to these:
I reasoned that it would be easier to sway this kid toward another pretty block than trying to get him to stick to the materials of the time, so I asked him if he would like to help me replace my brick design with quartz (eh, it’s white).
Bam! One of the ten year old anarchists is dutifully building me a glittering gem hallway for our insanely rich monks.
The other three are off somewhere still yelling at each other and setting off explosives, but we have something built. Much to my surprise the kid asked if he could build the church next because he “wanted to build the most important part”.
Here’s where I learned something important. I don’t have ADD or ADHD but as I said before my brother does. When he gets fixated on something, he’s really gets into it. Once a few minutes had passed and this kid already had four walls up I decided to grid up the entire mission. One gets the church, one gets the farm, etc.
After playing the game with them for an hour, I had a pretty good idea of where each kid should go.
Church kid, I found, was very particular about materials and shape(hence his hangup over the brick). I gave him free reign over the outer walls of the mission and showed him the reference pictures to get him started.
My brother liked the farms most (he was building dirt domes over the cows don’t ask me how I made this connection it just worked, okay), so he was in charge of building pens for the animals.
Another kid was, at first glance, very loud and bossy when it came to decorating (constantly said we were making chairs wrong). Turns out he likes interior design, like putting benches and beds in the little rooms, so his bossiness was just frustration with my brother’s artistic sense I guess.
Another was very good with placing trees and plants around the exterior (I guessed this because he covered the place in a ridiculous amount of trees and I asked him if he would like to know where they are supposed to go). He got to make a vineyard for us and organized how the crops should go.
So how did it turn out?
Actually very nice!!
So what did we learn? Kids actually like to play games and be praised for their creativity and intuition. If I had just told them to stop messing around rather than direct their attention to areas within their interests, they never would have gotten anything done.
After an hour of gaming they:
- Mirrored my language; “thank you!”, “which part are you working on?”, “I like this block.”
- Realized each other’s strengths; “hey [kid name] can you help me with the roof?” “How do you make the big trees [kid name]?”
- Were able to articulate exactly what they did or didn’t like without using force; “that looks good!”, “how about we put it there?”, “I don’t like that block, how about this one?”
On the plus side, since we moved the game file to my device for safekeeping, I now have a cute little souvenir of the time I played Minecraft with four ten year olds.
This is a really long post, but it’s super important. In games like Fortnite where you’ll find lots of kids, it’s important (if you can) to steer them away from toxicity. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run into kids who talk like toxic adults and the act of just being nice to them completely turns them around.
(via strangespacerock)
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Okay i know i myself have made jokes on Mr Darcy hating to spend time with Mr. Collins but. I feel like of the two of them Darcy is probably significantly less annoyed than Lizzie by Collins simply bc 1) he never received The most obnoxious proposal in the world from him 2) the combination of Darcy’s superior rank and his not being an Elegant Female puts him in a position to just tell Collins to stop talking and probably be thanked for the privilege. Darcy probably just lets him talk for five minutes and then is all “hm. I’d like to meditate on that in silence for a while. Very intriguing.” And gets like an hour of peace
Alternatively Lizzie is just openly blatantly rude to Collins and when he looks at Darcy like are you gonna control your wife?? Darcy just shrugs like. It’s her house man I’m not the boss of her.
Personal headcanon is that Darcy just keeps doing what he did the first time Collins approached him, aka suffers in silence for two minutes and then just turns around and leaves without a word, while Collins “feels that he has every reason to be pleased with their conversation”. Once Pemberley and Rosings are back on speaking terms, Lizzy discovers that she can do the same thing without Collins getting butthurt, bc she is after all the niece of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Although tbh, Collins doesn’t bother Lizzy too much, bc even he finds it slightly embarrassing that he once told the future Mrs Darcy that she was never gonna get a better offer than himself. He probably ends up apologising to Mr Darcy for the presumption. “Your choice of wife is most fortuitous, and I would offer my humblest apologies that I once implied, or rather insinuated, that her marriage prospects were not … that she might not look forward to such elevation as she has now been granted in marrying such an esteemed personage as yourself.” Meanwhile Darcy is just standing there like “aPolOgIZe tO LiZZy, noT to mE”
My own personal headcanons in addition to this are 1) that Collins finds Lizzie and Darcy’s marriage DEEPLY suspicious and is bringing peak Weird Little Man energy to his attempts to investigate this mystery and find… Something. He doesn’t know what, but something. Maybe Darcy is being blackmailed, or mind controlled. Who’s to say. And 2) Darcy finds out about Collins’s proposal FROM Collins, leading to a very “you said WHAT to my wife” “well she wasn’t your wife at the time” “that is NOT the point sir” kind of exchange. At which point Darcy is no longer able to calmly zone out for the duration of their five minute interactions his chill is gone
Also having just reread the last like 7 chapters of the book, Darcy fully stops talking to Lady Catherine for MONTHS bc of the way she wrote about Elizabeth i have no doubt that hearing Collins blithely recount his Extremely Impertinent Proposal would have Darcy on the verge of violence. Furthermore, given that Mr. Bennet likes to a. visit Pemberley when he’s least expected and b. cause problems on purpose, obviously the way it goes down is that Mr. Bennet, imposing on Darcy’s hospitality at the same time as Mr. Collins, casually brings up That Time Collins Almost Married Lizzy, encourages Collins as he digs his own grave recounting the proposal, and then sits back to enjoy the show.
(via hopetorun)
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Odin: Loki, son, I need to talk to you.
Loki: Yes, Father?
Odin: You are becoming a young man. There are some things in your past that may come to light and your mother and I haven’t told you before in fear it would upset you.
Loki: … Yes?
Odin: At the final battle of Jotunheim, I found an infant. It was small and malnourished - a child Laufey sought not to claim for its power was in magic, not in physical strength.
Loki: …
Odin: I took you from that battle, son, and your mother and I have loved you ever since.
Loki: Sssso… this is why you prefer Thor.
Odin: This is why I spend so much more time with Thor, yes. He is like me in that he has a temper to be tamed and physical strength he allows to take over when that anger boils over. Your mother is talented with magic and is clever with words as you are. Me being more like Thor doesn’t make me love you any less than I love him.
Loki: … Does Thor know?
Odin: He will if you wish him to.
Loki: We aren’t family, then.
Odin: You are my son by love as your mother is my wife by marriage. Blood means little in the way of kin.
Loki: But I can’t become king of Asgard.
Odin: … Which is another reason I spend so much time with your headstrong brother as he’ll eventually have to do public speaking outside of ‘thor swing hammer’ and he doesn’t have the gilded tongue you do.
Loki: Ah. Well. … Okay.
Odin: Okay?
Loki: Okay. … So he isn’t your favorite?
Odin: Your mother is my favorite.
and thus the entire movie line was avoided.
I can’t believe this damned post I did a decade ago had 55k notes.
(via icarusalis)
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dragon age 2 is a game about aimlessly walking around your shitty town with your bisexual friends
(via dalishious)
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The excluded tags filter on Ao3 is such a fucking lifesaver. I love it so much.
Do I know what I want to read? No. Do I know what I DON’T want to read? Absolutely. God bless
(via thornescratch)
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Reading a draft of your own fic chapter and l o v i n g it is great up until you get to the point where you just stopped fucking writing
hello 911 I’d like to report my own murder
(via kayasurin)
